eGADs! I have GAD!

Generalized Anxiety Disorder, aka GAD, is something I've become way too familiar with over the past two years.  For me it manifests in two main ways.  

The first major effect of GAD on my life is anxiety, often leading to panic attacks.  I've learned what several of my "triggers" are and I can avoid those situations when possible, but that's not always the case.  

For example, I had to attend a memorial service for an extended family member last week.  Being around groups of family members is one of those triggers (even very small groups freak me out).  I had to resort to anti-anxiety medication which gives me horrible side effects, so much so that I would almost rather have a full out panic attack that results in another visit to the ER. 

My first signal of a panic attack is the feeling of anxiety or dread, followed by the numbing of my left arm.  I get very shaky and clench my fists repeatedly.  My breathing increases and I feel faint.  I have heart palpitations so bad that it feels like a heart attack. 

Other triggers are having to go to the local Air Force base, doing anything with anyone from the school district where I used to work, and sometimes there are just the unknown triggers that randomly appear.  Fun times, my friends.  

The second major effect that GAD has had on me is I am now very easily overwhelmed, to the point where I cannot function.  I used to be able to organize and multitask like a champion, but now it just bogs me down.  

Take today, for instance.  I have so much on my plate today that I literally am just in tears.  I want to crawl back in to bed and throw the covers over my head and hide.  I know everyone gets overwhelmed, but for me it makes me crater into a black hole.  There's nothing to do about it, either.  

It sucks, this GAD.  

For more information on GAD:  http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/generalized-anxiety-disorder-gad/index.shtml

Lesson #1: No TV (and let go of the cat)

I heard and saw a lot (a LOT) of things during my time as a public school teacher.  I taught grades 7, 9, 10, 11, and 12.  I am now teaching my daughter at home, and it's grade 3.  I think it is the toughest grade yet (and this includes those Advance Placement classes).  There are just things that happen at home that don't happen in the classroom.  For example, not once did I ever have to say any of the following things to a student:

• Let the cat out of the closet and come do your work.
• No playing until your lessons are done (okay, maybe I used that one at school).
• Come back in the house and finish your work... and let the cat go.
• No, I won't text your friend's mom to see if your friend can play.  Go do your work.
• No, I won't be your secretary and write the answers for you so that you can hold your cat.
• Turn off the television.

That last one was the first big lesson for Darcy today.  She wanted to do her math test in her room.  I'm not a stickler about where she does her work; I just want her to do it.  After a little while I walked by her room and noticed she was doodling on her clipboard rather than taking her test AND the television was on.  I told her to turn it off and finish her test.  A few minutes later I went in to check on her and the TV was still on.  Ugh!   I turned it off and told her to finish up and bring me her test. 

Worst. 
Grade. 
Ever. 

That child was so distracted that she missed a dozen questions on greater than and less than (which she knows), and she skipped 33 multiplication problems (the easy ones - you know, multiplying by ones, fives, and tens).  Her grade was a big, fat "F."  David stopped by to make sure the cable guy knew what all he wanted to have done and he and I decided that we wouldn't say anything until after she finished all of her work for the day. It took the rest of the day to get her work done and it was after dinner before I could talk to her.

Did you hear the wailing from where you are?  If you didn't, I'm surprised.  I showed her the paper and her grade and I explained that because she had the television on that she was distracted and missed questions that she shouldn't have.  I also got on to her about completely skipping over 30 problems just because she didn't want to do them or didn't ask what she needed to do.  I told her no television for the rest of tonight and she wailed - sobbing, inconsolable, heart-wrenching, wailing - for over an hour.  She threw herself on her bed for a while, retreated to her tree house, shut herself in the guest room, and lay on the couch with pillows over her head, all while crying hysterically.  David and I both tried to tell her that she had her punishment and that she had learned her lesson, but she just wouldn't stop crying.  I swear, the kid punishes herself so much worse than we ever would (which is why only one night without television is appropriate for her). 

She's okay now, but I'm really hoping we don't have another day like this for a while.  Those crying jags are rough.  I don't know how elementary teachers handle stuff like that.  This is definitely not a problem I ever had when teaching in public school.   Home school is most definitely an adventure, even for the cat!

These Are a Few of My Favorite Things ... To Hate

So lately I've been in a really rotten mood.  REALLY ROTTEN.  Frankly, I don't care that I'm in a rotten mood except it means that everything gets on my nerves a little more than usual.  By nature, I am misanthropic and that serves me well since developing Generalized Anxiety Disorder.  But I digress... 

I have decided to list some of the many things that I hate.  I mean, I may as well have fun with my rotten mood.  So, here they are, in no particular order:

1.  Professional sports

2.  Idiots who give play-by-play Facebook updates about their favorite sports teams.  

3.  People who respond to a text with the single letter "k."  

4.  iPhone cords that only work for a couple of weeks and then die.  

5.  Buying new iPhone cords constantly.  

6.  People who smack their food.   

7.  People who don't smack their kids when the kids obviously need it.  

8.  People who cannot park.  

9.  People who are either stupid, lazy, or both when it comes to the English language.  

10.  Not having a disposable income.  Oh, wait, make that not having an income at all. Being poor sucks. 

11.  Pennies.  They are useless.  

12. Mosquitos, fleas, ticks, and gnats serve no purpose and should be eradicated.  

13.  People who meet you once and think they are your new BFF.  I had a BFF once.  I'll let you know if I decide to take applications for a new one.  

14.  All those "Like this if you ..." posts on Facebook.  Enough already!  

15.  Infertility and the unholy cost of adoption, both literally and figuratively.  

16. Cruelty to animals.  

17. That horrid ASPCA commercial with Sarah Maclaughlin.  The remote doesn't work fast enough.  

18.  People who think they have to try to cheer you up when you are having a rotten day.  Rotten was quite fine for Oscar the Grouch, you know.  

19.  Change.  

20.  Insomnia.  

21.  Living in Abilene.  I mean, of all the places on the planet that there are to live, why on earth am I living here?  Oh yeah, that money issue.  

22.  Psychopathic people who make it so that my kid can't even go to a birthday party because there are psychos there.  

Eh, I'm sure I'll add more to the list but the phone charger cord thingy is being crappy and so every two minutes my phone connects and then disconnects from the charger and that is getting on my last nerve.  

So, what things do you hate?